To Judge is to be Judged

The word "judge" makes the majority of people put their guard up. What you could be indicating is that I am wrong or doing wrong. That word actually causes one to stay in situations or engage in new situations that are not the best choice. We often say, "I don't want to be judgemental". Or, "who am I to judge because I went through the same thing". When you are choosing your mate, judging is no longer a bad word. You are judging the behavior to now be one that is conducive to your future plans. You are not judging the person as "wrong in life", just wrong for your vision.  You have to be okay with that even if the other party is offended by your call.

I have had men to get almost ugly with me because I chose not to date them because of the many children, lack of drive, foul mouth, living at home with mom, gluttony, always depressed, etc. <--- Does any of that sound sexy to you? No matter how offended they felt, I stayed true to thine-self. Besides only "a hit dog will holler".

Recently, at "hello", I had someone explain they were and independent contractor for an insurance company but they are looking for something else. He voluntarily said, "I need more income". There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Because he is a gentleman, easy spirit, self controlled and many more, most women would feel like....hmmm, I can date him. I am a natural visionary. I get downloads of data instantly as if my brain were a computer. What I heard was, I am in between financial manifestations and I might be able to take you out once a month. When I take you out, even though I might not use a coupon, I should. He is also stating that house dating is the only way for him to go right now....so your place or mine? Now, if he is trying to "win" you, he may sacrifice bill money and go in debt trying to land you. <---Is that what your "knight in shining armor" would do? Pretend he is winning and is actually in financial disaster instead? That entire scenario is a setup for disaster.

So, I asked him a question. Do you believe this is the opportune time for you to date, ya know, while you are in between 2 manifestations? His response: Oh yeah, because sometimes a woman can be there for you and help you through emotionally tough times. Screeeeeech! I'd rather hear chalk on a board! I explained to him that his scenario is only if you are in a relationship and you fell down. You do not want to meet a man/woman who is down and they need you to doctor them, emotionally or financially. This topic is tough for me to write about because it truly upsets me that people think they are ready to date and add someone to the world when there is nothing in their world but work!

If you have done the work on yourself, you have a right to receive someone that has done their "self" work as well. If you have more work to do in order to balance yourself out, sit yo tail down and get your house in order! Once you have compose yourself, invite someone in your life that you can be an asset to and they can be an asset to you as well. If you are focusing on how you can add to someone else's life and you are in position to "add to".....you should accept the same in return. You, the individual, are nobody's savior. Jesus has that covered. Happy dating!

HAPPY NEW YEAR'S TO YOU AND YOUR BOO....or nah?

I am an adventurous kind of gal and I am also a part time, type "A" personality. Finding a balance between natural attraction and my non-negotiables is the hardest job I have. It's more difficult than raising children. I am finally at the maturity level where I do not judge a book by it's cover, however,.... just allow your book to be presentable please! Even if the guy is overweight, that's not a deal breaker. As long as he has class, style, charisma and good energy. So, I have been the online dating and I will admit I have a tight filter to separate the riff raff. I do not have a list of "must haves'...I just base everything off of energy, actions, passion and conversations. I met a fella online that was soft spoken and emotionally open. Well, a girl likes that of course but it does expire if over done. There were times that I said hmmmm, this is too good to be true and  I resided in the fact: there's a lesson in this for me. You see, I realize that I cannot get what I want in a man until I become the character traits that I want to mate with. I am also convinced that I can not work on me without the engagement of the opposite sex frustrating my preferences and unveiling the sticky stuff dwelling inside of me. When I see my mess, I work through them with courage and great patience. Therefore, I accept the lessons as the come and whoever they come from. I will not disrupt the opportunity for me to grow. Case in point...Mr Too Good to be True, bring it on!

When it comes to celebrating New Year's Eve, if I am not doing anything extraordinary, I would be just as content staying home and sparing my energy. This year I had a desire to go out of town to Savannah with a boo-thang. Problem being, I have no boo BUT I can interview a few from offline dating to see if we can co-exist in the early days of dating on a road trip. This is where Mr Soft Spoken/To Good for True comes in. I met him online maybe 5 days before New Year's Eve and our conversation flowed. He even mentioned wanting to go out of town for the New Year before I even brought the subject up. Bingo! He would be great energy to flow with! So we planned it. The night before we left to do an over-night in Savannah, I had separation anxiety from my youngest daughter and my dog even. My fear is that they would not be happy in the environments that I chose. Now....I knew they would be safe but I have emotional spirals if I believe there's a chance they would be sad while I am gone. I called him to discuss and in true male fashion....he couldn't relate and answered me all WRONG! So I told him I will have to let him focus on his football game and call a girlfriend that had different tools. Well, no big deal. We ended that call with the understanding to have a later convo to confirm our plans to Savannah. Around 11pm, I called and no answer. I sent a text with my question: what time should I be ready for pickup in the morning? Him: No time. Me: huh? Him: I'm going alone. Me: Alone? ....Thinking to myself, this crazy mofo have some issues that I am not equipped to accommodate on New Year's Eve, Eve.

Well, he was upset because I am making this whole outing about me and not us. He is correct. You see, earlier that day we realized that it may be in his best interest to stay home because mom needed a caretaker. He said, well we can just do something local. I said honestly, nothing local interests me. If I had to stay local I will be staying in the house alone. However, since this is my desire to do something different for the New year....I owe it to myself to continue my plan and go out of town. He understood and admitted that he was throwing a tantrum. Side note: he also found a caretaker for mom quick fast in a hurry. One monkey don't stop the business!

The next morning, before he headed to pick me up I received a text from him. He said, "show me that you want me just as much as I want you". I was like aw hell naw! Here we go again!!!! I didn't respond but you best understand from that I decided I will stay in friend zone with him! Any lil affection I share, he will swear we were engaged by midnight. The day started off well and all ended well too. He was very pleasant. Easy energy. When we arrived, he wanted to unwind so he watched the game around 4 pm and rolled up in a blanket and napped. We headed to dinner around 6 pm to Huey's.....white linen and quaint. I ordered Calamari, Side Salad, Scallop and Shrimp Alfredo and a Cosmo. He ordered Hot Wings, Fries and Tequila Sunrise <----what dude orders a Sunrise anything!!!! After dinner....take a guess! Back to the room. He had no creative energy to explore the town and make the most of this 1 day trip. Borrrr-Ring! I rolled back up in a blanket on my bed and he stretched across his bed and we both napped. I could tell that he is low maintenance and he was just happy to have my company...or anybody's company I suppose. Who knows!

OK! 10 PM! Game time! The moment I have been waiting on for the last month and a half! Time to engage in some high energy....'cause surely I haven't had a dose of it at all at this point! We venture out and make our way through the traffic. We parked, made our way to Wet Willie's and stopped directly in front of THE CUP in the middle of the street. Instead of a ball dropping, they raise a cup at count down. Now....the thing about this being in the street is that I have on heels and we are currently on cobblestone....I ain't gonna make it out here for long. I need smooth cement in order to balance these heels. At this point, the clock says 11:35pm and the people around us are charged up! I reminded him of the store I wanted to visit before it closes and he said....ok, go right ahead. He said, I will be right here and if we get separated I will meet you back at the truck. <---um, whet?? Well alright then! On my return at 11:50 pm I text him and let him know I am directly behind him with the party at the DJ booth OFF of the cobblestone. Him: I will be leaving in 15 minutes. In those 10 minutes before the count down, I "kicked it" to the music so hard because the atmosphere was lit for a great time! So after we watched the cup at Wet Willie's, the fireworks went off and the DJ cranked it back up again! I made my way over to him and invited him to the energy by the DJ and he said with a smug look....I am ready to go! I had to stay mindful, his experience is not mine and I enjoyed myself! I got what I came for but obviously he didn't! I surrendered and said OK. On my way back to the truck, I was still thrilled, thanked him for bringing me and we just kept the conversation going. I mentioned the fact that are eyes were wide open and well rested, we actually could've made the trip back home if Atlanta was closer. He said we still can! So happily, we eased on down the road and I was back in my own space by 5 am. Totally content!

What I was proud of was: I owned my happiness, took no prisoners in my mind, spent next to nothing and got everything! So Happy New Year to ME! Him? Maybe nah. LOL

Poor lil Tink Tink

Just recently I interviewed a woman on my radio show (The G Spot) about online dating. I have done internet dating in the past and since I recently experienced a break up, I thought this is the best time to start again. I must say I can filter the data well however, every now and again I will interact with a wild card. Since I was also having a Tailgate Party in less than 10 days from this show, I decided to invite someone who saw my pics and kept on going. Over the years,  I remember seeing his handsome face and basketball player's body in his fine, tailor made suit many times....however, he never dropped a note to me and it was just fine by me then. You see, he knows himself better than I can assume. My assumption was that he was on there for play and was a womanizer. It was just a gut feeling....no proof. SHAME ON ME! Nevertheless, I thought to myself, I may not be his type but he would sure be nice eye candy for the ladies at the party and somebody there is bound to be his type. SO....just like a professional event planner would do, I invited him. He gave me a warm and immediate response that initially placed a friendly smile on my face. It wasn't until I reached the end of his statement did I become perplexed and troubled. He said and I quote....I am all in as long as your mouth is multi-functional. At first I thought....heck yeah I can talk to everybody! So, I replied back......"hahahaha.....I think......wait a second, what does multifunctional mean"? His reply....."C'mon we are all grown here. As long as you don't mind kissing, talking and giving head". YIKES!!!! Did he really just say that????? Does he even know my name?

I replied....oh I see. I had to pause because I wanted to give him the tongue lashing of life. In my seasoned years, I have come to recognize when a great opportunity has come to awaken someone's consciousness. When you realize how a teaching moment like this can alter one's future, there's is no room for offense or hurt feelings. I wanted to get him back for all of the women who didn't know how to deal with such a ass as he but I refrained and went a different direction. My reply went like this:

I have a movement that is about to impact the black community and for those purposes I use my mouth piece to change the nation and embrace our culture. I don't know why it would benefit me to function my lips in your direction. I was hoping to open you to great folks and fun this evening. seems like you need to go to Club Trapeze instead. Never the less, I will pray that your mental and sexual chaos comes to an end soon and you will see the damage you have caused many women. But until God arrests the hurting man in you and gives you ease....continue your journey without me. Just know I will never forget you.

Now this was a priceless reply if you don't mind me saying so myself! I felt so satisfied and proud of my restraint and my multi-functional mouth! I believed that he would either get frustrated and just not respond again or apologize. He did neither. He replied in a way that caused me to blush! He said...GO TO HELL! <---NOW THAT MADE MY DAGGUM DAY! He is a total chump! I was happy to throw alcohol on his open wound with....I will meet you there. leave the light on! To my UN-surprise....THIS USER HAS BLOCKED YOU. GO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE. talk about VICTORY! The devil himself has blocked me!!!! Poor lil Tink Tink! Hell don't wanna hear from me.....now that's what's up!

Married but Separated

Married is married. It doesn't matter if the individual is separated and the divorce papers are filed. Once the bond of a marriage is broken, there are emotional and spiritual edges that are jagged. Both individuals need space and time to heal and catch their breath. If you meet someone that's a wonderful person and you think they would be a great mate in your future, keep in touch periodically. Do not engage in the acts of dating or getting intimate. Why? Whether they live together or not, there are spiritual (unseen) laws that are still in effect.

Understand that at the day they stood at the alter and took the oath of forever, their spirits became one. Until, the law of the land (divorce) has been final, the spiritual law remains in effect. Not to even mention the emotional attachments that are unseen, the good and the bad. Just imagine adding your soul into their mix. That's an ugly pot of soup there! 

In the event that you meet someone that is married, even if they are separated, do yourself a favor and tell them what you would want someone to tell your mate. I would say to the married individual, when you are single we can interact. I would advise them to be sure they have done all that they can do to reconcile. Give it their all so that way, if or when they leave....their hands are clean. As for you, don't get caught in adulterous affairs. You do not want to be the straw that broke the camel's back in any marriage......way too costly for your soul.

Stay alert....everyone is tested some day.

Dating a Married Person

I am aware that relationships are challenges and marriages are more than a full time job. Even when you are at work, you can't help but to consider the issues at home. I understand that people who have been married for many years have evolved and are no longer the same person as the day they got married. I get it. Unfortunately, who you wanted or needed at 20 years old will not be the same as what you need or want at 50. So, what do you do? The only thing I can suggest is "to thine self, be true".

What I don't understand, is the rationalization of many people when they encounter a married individual. So, you meet an individual that says they are married but they have problems at home. They mention it so casually as if the problem isn't them at all. So now, they expect to be in the running amongst other single people. Part time relationships but full time emotion....puh-leeeeze! When you entertain this option, the married person's misery becomes your obligation now. Is that okay for you? You don't mind carrying their mate's torch? The phrase "I am married but..." is a trap for individuals who do not have a good sense of who they are. We all deal with esteem issues from time to time. However, if you are entertaining being someone's last priority, you have a low opinion of your worth. I would even dare to say, you have an identity crisis.

Be encouraged that you can have a mate that cares and nurtures you. You don't have to share mate. Besides, the spiritual price that you will pay just isn't worth it. It's better to remain single and keep living.

Get me off this train!

I just finished posting a confession about some baggage that came along with a guy I dated many moons ago. Initially he was living with his sister and teenage son. Don't even ask me where... OK? ok! About a week later I found out that he had another teenager that lived in another state. No big deal.....right? RiiiiiGHT! As the relationship develops and a month or so goes by, we were both getting used to each other in our daily routine. Then the he hi me with a lead balloon....I HAVE THREE MORE KIDS.....POW! I started staggering in my daily interactions with him of course. Now questioning everything about him that was meaningful to me. Like I N T E G R I T Y! So now I am just floating through and calculating what his child support payment must look like and understanding a whole mess of other things. Now that was definitely the straw that broke the camel's back.....but did he have to blow me to pieces with the next bombshell????? TWO MORE KIDS BY HIS EXWIFE AGED 3 AND 1!!!!!! Conductor!!!! Stop the train! Don't send me past GO, I don't care about collecting the $200 in this game.....I just want OFF! KABOOM! YIPES! OW-WEE!  Ok.....now back to your regularly scheduled program.....As you were Soldier!

Flattery comes in Shades too!

This is the spot to let it all go!

I recall many times when I have gone too far and pissed a man off to the point that he couldn't speak to me for days. Ladies, we all know how scary that place could be. We are often afraid that we have ruined the relationship. Now that I am wiser, I see things a bit differently. The many times that I have angered a man, I now see that the flattery in it. There's no way he could get that frustrated with me if he didn't have deep emotions for me. You see ladies, the fellas don't understand that the reason we push so hard in those moments is because we want to truly know......how deep is his love? I wonder how many of you are bold enough to admit to this as well?